Tuesday, October 29, 2013

THREE WEEKS!

We are proud to announce that we've been going strong for three weeks! THREE WEEKS! Yeah!

Looking at the big picture, three weeks isn't terribly long, and it has been a pretty easy three weeks, but I am still so proud to have made it this far. I'm also very thankful for my loving, supportive, and very handsome husband.

We had our first-ever Halloween Party on Saturday and it went so well! Xavier and I had plenty of vegan food to keep us away from the non-vegan goodies (we asked that people bring something to share, but we didn't want people to feel like they had to bring something exclusively vegan).

The day after the party, Sunday, I decided to hop on that dreaded scale again to see what the "damage" was. To my surprise, the vegan cupcakes, hummus, and bread had no adverse effects...I have actually lost a grand total of 10 pounds so far! I was shocked (and still am)! This lifestyle change wasn't targeted towards weight loss...we had hoped to get more energy and feel better...so the weight loss is a little perk!

A few people told me that my face was looking thinner, and since I see myself every day, I couldn't really tell, but I did a side-by-side comparison and can see it a bit now.
I don't have a lot of time to post recipes and pictures today because I'm going to be on the road all day for my Graduate Assistant job, but here are a few things you can look forward to:

  • A couple photos from the party.
  • A recipe for vegan cupcakes (and photos...they were delicious!).
  • A recipe for Jerk Sloppy Joes (maybe on Xavier's blog).

That's all I have time for. I just wanted to share the good news about our three week "anniversary", our party, and weight loss success!

Have a great day, everyone! Stay warm!

Monday, October 21, 2013

Snickerdoodle Cookies

Hello!

It's Xavier's turn to cook dinner, and he chose a recipe for Mango Fried Rice. I'm sitting at our kitchen table, watching him wince and hold back tears because he's chopping an onion. Happy tears...right?

People having been asking loads of questions about the vegan lifestyle, and I'm loving it! For the record, I so appreciate hearing feedback and sharing our experiences.

With this weather, I think one of the biggest challenges is being surrounded by fall-flavored-goodies (pumpkin bread, molasses cookies, gingersnaps, etc.). I love spiced goodies in the fall and winter, especially with a hot cup of tea or coffee. It isn't that I feel deprived of the wonderful treats at work, because it is a conscious choice. It isn't that I can't have it...I just choose not to. And that has made my job (at Coffea) much easier.

Anyway, the point of bringing this challenge up is this: I found a fantastic recipe for Snickerdoodle Cookies. When Xavier got home from work, I was in the middle of baking them, and he was incredibly excited. Little did I know, they're one of his favorite cookies.

These cookies are rich, slightly crisp on the edges, chewy in the middle, and packed with flavor. Our kitchen table is covered with cooling racks, littered with these delights. I plan to freeze at least half of them so we can enjoy them longer (and because they're that good...I need them out of sight, out of mind).

I adapted the recipe from Post Punk Kitchen. I used some different spices than the PPK recipe called for, but feel free to check out their recipe! Everything we've made from their website has been fantastic!

Snickerdoodle Cookies
For the topping:
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp cinnamon
1/8 tsp cloves

For the cookies:
1 cup canola oil
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup pure maple syrup
6 Tbsp non-dairy milk (I used unsweetened almond milk)
4 tsp vanilla extract
4 cups flour
2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Mix the "topping" ingredients in a small bowl and set aside.

In a large mixing bowl, combine the oil, syrup, non-dairy milk, extract, salt, and cinnamon. Mix well. Add the sugar and mix well. Then add the flour and baking soda and mix until well combined. The dough should be soft, but firm enough to form into a ball. If it won't hold shape, add a couple tablespoons of flour and mix again. Using a small cookie scoop or a small spoon, form into balls, about the size of a walnut. Roll in the sugar topping and place on parchment lined cookie sheets. They'll flatten out, so be sure to give them enough room to spread out. Press them down a little bit before placing them in the preheated oven. Bake for 10-12 minutes until the edges start to become golden brown. Remove from the oven, cool for a minute, and transfer to a cooling rack. This recipe makes 4 dozen. You can very easily cut it in half (if you don't want to do the math, go to the PPK web link provided above). ENJOY!



Have a great week, everyone!

Sunday, October 20, 2013

BBQ Tofu Cutlets

Hi friends!

FYI: I wrote a draft of this post yesterday, and I don't want to go through and edit the "today"s to "yesterday"s, so bear with me.

What a lovely Fall day. My husband woke up early to begin his Halloween Movie Marathon, I slept in (only until 8:30), and I've been busy with homework and researching lots of vegan "things"(did you know that it's possible to make vegan caramel? It's true!).

Earlier in the week, I had a complaint about store-bought bread. Instead of sulking, I decided to use our bread machine and make our own vegan bread. Everything was going well...until the bread machine broke. I didn't waste the dough, as it was unharmed, but I followed my gut and wound up baking an absolutely delicious loaf of bread (in the oven). Now I am trying to re-create that hearty delight.



On the menu:

  • BBQ Tofu Cutlets
  • Boiled, smashed, and baked baby red potatoes
  • Roasted brussels sprouts


For the BBQ Tofu Cutlets:
Ingredients:
1 package extra firm tofu
3/4 cup BBQ sauce of choice (find a quality brand with vegan ingredients)
3 Tbsp Soy Sauce
1 Tbsp sriracha (optional)

Remove the tofu from the packaging and wrap with several layers of paper towels. You'll need to remove as much excess water as possible. To do this, set the tofu on a plate and place something heavy on top. Refrigerate overnight.

Cut the square of tofu in half so that you have two rectangles. Flip the rectangles up and cut them in half (so you have thinner rectangles). Then cut those rectangles diagonally so you have triangles. Now, I'm sure you could cut them into any shape you desire, but be sure to get them thinned out! After last night, I'd even get them thinner next time. At this point, I poured a layer of BBQ sauce in the bottom of a baking dish lined with parchment paper. I arranged the tofu on top, in one layer, and covered them with more BBQ sauce. They don't need to be swimming in the sauce, but make sure they have a nice spread. I let the tofu marinade like this, covered, in the fridge for several hours.

When you're ready to bake the tofu, preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Bake the tofu for 30 minutes, flipping halfway through baking. Remove the tofu from the oven, drizzle the cutlets with more BBQ sauce and bake for another 10 minutes.

For the potatoes:
Ingredients:
Baby red potatoes (or yukon gold)
Olive oil
Garlic
Salt
Pepper

Boil the potatoes in salted water until they are tender (check doneness with a fork). Remove the potatoes from the water and place on a cookie sheet, lined with foil or parchment paper. Using a potato smasher (or cup, bottle, anything you can press on the potatoes with), press down on the potatoes until they split and flatten out a bit (you're not making mashed potatoes, so don't be too rough on them!). Drizzle with olive oil, sprinkle with garlic, salt, and pepper. You could also put other herbs or spices on if you'd like (parsley, rosemary, etc.) but they are just fine with the basics, too. Place in an oven preheated to 400 degrees for 20-25 minutes or until golden brown and slightly crispy.

For the roasted brussels sprouts:
Ingredients:
1lb brussels sprouts
Olive oil
Salt
Pepper
Garlic

Rinse and dry the brussels sprouts. Cut the ends off and cut in half, lengthwise. Place in a bowl and toss with a couple tablespoons of olive oil. Spread on a baking sheet lined with foil or parchment. Sprinkle with salt, pepper, and garlic. Place in a 400 degree oven for 20-25 minutes, stirring halfway through baking. Check after 20 minutes, as ovens may differ. They make take more time. They are done when they start to look browned. They should be crisp on the outside and tender on the inside.


Saturday, October 19, 2013

Eggless Egg Salad


    Xavier mentioned this on his blog and referenced my blog, explaining that readers could find the recipe here, so I thought I better make sure it was readily available!

Eggless Egg Salad
    1 lb firm tofu
    1/4 tsp onion powder
    1/4 tsp garlic powder
    1/2 tsp turmeric
    2-3 celery stalks, finely chopped
    2 whole carrots, finely chopped or shredded
    1 red bell pepper, finely chopped1 bunch green onions thinly sliced
    1/4 cup fresh parsley chopped (we rarely have fresh parsley, so I use dried)
    2 Tbsp sweet pickle relish 
    1/2 cup Vegan Mayonnaise 
    Salt and pepper to taste

Squeeze block of tofu over sink or press between paper towels to remove as much water as possible. Crumble tofu into a large bowl. Add remaining ingredients and mix well. Chill overnight for optimum flavor. Enjoy on a sandwich, on crackers, with pita chips, or by itself!


Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Day TEN.

Hi folks.

We're ten days in and loving it!

Some of the perks we're experiencing:

  • Clearer thinking (I don't feel so scatterbrained...I think my memory is improving, but I can't remember - ha!!)
  • Feeling less bloated
  • A more positive outlook
  • Heightened sense of taste and smell (wow, real food is GOOD!)
  • More creativity in the kitchen
  • Better meal planning (less waste, better money management)
  • I've lost 5 pounds (!!!!)


The more documentaries I watch, the more reading I do, the more I listen to my body and realize how good it feels, the more enjoyable this is becoming. I may have mentioned this in an earlier post, but this vegan "thing" is so much easier than I anticipated. I'm more aware and more conscious of the food I eat and the way I interact with the environment.

Challenges faced this week:
Bread. Why does convenient, store-bought bread have to have milk in it?! Okayyyy, so it isn't that big of a deal. It's a minor inconvenience and I SUPPOSE I'll get the bread machine out and make our own nutritious bread. If that's the biggest of my worries this week, I'll take it. Besides, rumor has it that store-bought bread has hair in it. I'll do without. Here's a link to an article detailing hair in bread.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

It's Been A While...

Hi friends,

It has been a few days since I've updated. Do not fear! This vegan-power-couple is still going strong!

The days since my last post have flown by, as we have been busy with work, school, cooking great meals, and we even had a date night (woohoo!!!)!

Something Xavier and I have been talking about lately is how much easier this "diet" is than we anticipated. It takes more planning than we had been doing in the past because we can't rely on some of the same things we used to (like ordering pizza and chicken wings after a long day when we're "too tired" to cook something better). However, we are both really enjoying the planning and meal preparation.

Additionally, I think I've only felt hungry a few times. I've noticed that my stomach doesn't growl to alert me that I'm hungry. I eat smaller meals, but they give me energy for much longer periods of time. Sometimes I have to ask myself (or Xavier) when I ate last and remind myself to eat something, even if it's just a handful of almonds.

We're both also becoming more aware of the difference between wants and needs. What a simple concept. This concept is hard to grasp when television ads confuse the two terms. Thankfully, we're without cable, which severely limits our exposure to advertisements.

My cravings for junk food (like french fries, ice cream, wings) have basically disappeared. I'm recognizing that my body feels so much better with healthy food as fuel, so I don't desire the junk food I used to. Now, I WILL say that last night I thought I wanted a snack, but I ignored the thought for a few minutes, made a cup of tea, and my night was set. Nighttime is/was when I felt most "snacky."

I don't have much more to add today. Instead, I'll add a few photos that document the last few days.



Vegan pizza fresh out of the oven!
He's the coolest.
I made a card for my best friend.

Scrambled "Eggs" (Tofu) with Vegan Sausage
Breakfast Potatoes
Date night at the Washington Pavillion

 Take care, friends! Be kind to yourselves and your environment :)

xo

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Finding Peace

Good evening, friends.

This adventure just keeps getting better and better.

As strange as it may sound, I feel as though I am seeing and experiencing things for the first time. I also am experiencing an unexpected, but welcomed, sense of calm. I feel much more reflective and introspective than before. I don't feel the need to fill "awkward silence" in conversations - I'm speaking much less, but getting my point across effectively. I'm very much enjoying being an observer and listener. I'm also realizing that it is okay to have quiet time (at home, at work, in the car, etc.), and I'm finding myself overwhelmed when I'm around people who aren't experiencing the same thing (i.e. people who talk a great deal). Not that there's anything wrong with talking, I just would rather talk less lately :)

I feel like I can think more clearly and handle stress a bit easier. I'm coming to the realization that not everything is urgent - the world will keep turning if I take it easy and breathe a bit. I actually sat down at work for a little bit today and ate a snack...and you know what? It was really nice! I'm usually just go-go-go when I'm at work, and I typically skip breaks (Jennifer, you didn't read that). The point is, things will get done when they need to, and I shouldn't stress about it so much because it doesn't do me any good. Is my schedule absolutely crazy with two jobs and grad school? Yes, most definitely. But I'll manage. And if I can't manage it all, I'll change something. Easy peasy (in theory).

Additionally, Xavier and I have already lost a few pounds, which is a nice little perk!

I just looked at my calendar to see where we are at in this journey, and it's hard to believe we have only gotten our toes wet. It feels so natural and my body is feeling so happy that it almost feels like we've been doing this for much longer. I'm also surprised that we're experiencing so many positive changes and feelings so early-on. I can hardly wait to see what will happen next. This has been such a positive experience so far, and I am so incredibly thankful for the support we have gotten from our friends and family.

This evening, my husband made a fantastic meal. Vegan Pad Thai. All of the dishes we've made have been really great, but this may be our new favorite. The flavors were so bright and delicious! I will definitely be requesting that one again. I'm sure he'll post the recipe on his blog, so stay tuned!

After dinner, Xavier wanted to watch a documentary about horror movies (happy October, 'eh?). During the first part of the documentary, I busied myself with baking a vegan dessert. Chocolate Pumpkin Muffins. I adapted the recipe from Post Punk Kitchen . I made two batches, and instead of making a loaf, I made muffins (hence the name). Additionally, I had a plethora of ripe pears that needed to be used up, so I used those instead of applesauce (I didn't have any on hand and didn't want to buy it). I made one batch with pumpkin, like the recipe calls for. The other batch was strictly pears (and a little extra oil for some moisture). In the batch with just pears, I adjusted the spices so it was more ginger-y. They smell divine. Interestingly enough, I'm not craving sweets like I did prior to starting this vegan adventure. We just took one of each, cut them in half, and sampled them. They are OUT. OF. THIS. WORLD. You can't even tell that they're vegan. I wish I would have recorded Xavier's initial reaction because it was absolutely priceless. I may need to take back that comment about not craving sweets ;) Note: if you follow the recipe and bake muffins like I did, you can get 12 cupcake-sized muffins, and they should bake for about 20-25 minutes.

    
Chocolate Pumpkin Muffins


Chocolate Pear Muffins
Hope you all have a fantastic evening! Thanks for reading!

Monday, October 7, 2013

Day Two

It's only day two, but I'm already sensing a positive change.

For one thing, people are much more encouraging than I anticipated (keep it comin', guys!). It isn't that I thought people would be rude about this change, but I certainly didn't expect such positive feedback. I guess part of me doesn't want to make a big deal about the vegan adventure (in the sense that I don't want people to go out of their way to cater to my dietary decisions/needs), but then again, I suppose posting blogs about the experience IS making somewhat of a big deal about it. I will say, though, it was nice this morning at work when a coworker assured me that his homemade bread was vegan-friendly...and then proceeded to tell me that the apples on the counter were so large because they were injected with butter (so I should stay away from them). Thanks for the laugh :)

For another thing, I had an easier time falling asleep last night (maybe due to eating less sugar and processed "junk", maybe due to how busy the weekend was, but I'd like to think it has at least a little to do with the positive dietary change).

Something else that is interesting to note is the fact that I captured and freed a few bees at work today. I approached them calmly and confidently, put them in a cup, and let them go outside. I am becoming much more aware of the fact that we share this earth with a variety of creatures (earthlings), and I don't have the "right" to kill a bee just bee-cause it doesn't belong inside. We'll see how I react when I'm faced with a spider, but I'm trying to be more loving and less panicky.

The stew I made yesterday became today's lunch, and boy, was it good. It's so hearty and comforting. Even non-vegans could enjoy it (wink, wink)!

I'll end today's post with a few photos.

Did you know brussels sprouts grow like this?!
And look at the size of that carrot!

The circumference of the carrot was nearly
equivalent to my nalgene (to give you some
perspective).

This whole thing went into the veggie stew.



Sunday, October 6, 2013

Vegan Adventure: Day One

As I write this post, my husband is busy in the kitchen, preparing this evening's meal: Jalapeno Mac & Cheese with Brussels Sprouts. As hard as it is for me to simply be an observer, I'm letting him do his thing. [Update: IT WAS AWESOME. I'll definitely be requesting it again!]

I successfully avoided snacking on delicious non-vegan treats at work today. Hurrah! It wasn't as difficult as I imagined it would be, but that may also be because I actually brought some veggies and fruit to eat during the day.

When I got home from work, I made a batch of homemade tomato soup that will last a couple days and I also made a big batch of Vegetable and Lentil Stew. Shoot dang, it is tasty! I didn't follow a specific recipe, but here's approximately what I did:


Vegetable and Lentil Stew
1lb lentils, rinsed well
1/4lb quinoa, rinsed well
2tbsp olive oil
1 medium yellow onion, chopped
3-5 stalks of kale, chopped or torn into pieces
4 medium/large tomatoes, diced
3 medium carrots, chopped (or one HUGE carrot, like I used)
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 red bell pepper, chopped
1 yellow pepper, chopped
3 banana peppers (fresh), chopped
1/2 can of pumpkin puree (about 7oz)
1tbsp parsley
1tsp cumin
1tsp coriander
salt and pepper to taste

Grab a big soup pot. Over medium, saute the onion in olive oil until it starts to become translucent. Add the garlic and saute for a minute. Add the tomatoes and kale. When the tomatoes start to break down a bit, add the peppers. Add water until the pot is about half full, then stir in the lentils and quinoa. As it simmers, you will need to add more water until it is the consistency you like. Add the spices, salt and pepper, and continue to simmer for about 20 minutes or until the lentils are tender. At this point, add half a can of pumpkin. Taste and adjust seasoning to your liking. Serve with bread or crackers of your choice. This is a very hearty soup and you can put any veggies or seasonings you like! Adjust it to your preferences!!

Now that our bellies are full of delicious and healthy food, we're kicking back and watching Zombieland. I'd say that our first day has gone well!

Thank you, everyone, for the love and support while we venture down this road. We're feeling positive about this change! We haven't decided if this will be long term or not, but we'll see what happens!

Sending positive vibes to you all!



Friday, October 4, 2013

Brief Update

This week has been quite a whirlwind - researching the vegan lifestyle, working ahead on homework, and preparing for my best friend's wedding (today!!!). I realized just how exhausted I was last night - I actually had to ask my husband how old I am. Oof. I need to start getting better sleep.

I'm so thankful for how helpful and encouraging Xavier has been (especially this week). We've both been looking for recipes we want to try during our first week of veganism, but due to time constraints, he has been more active than I have (and I soooooo appreciate it!). We are going to do some shopping tomorrow for our first week - hopefully we'll be able to snag some good produce from the farmer's market. I think we'll really get started on Sunday.

Anyway, this has to be cut short because I need to skedaddle. I'm meeting all of the bridesmaids at 9:00 to get our hair done. Happy wedding day, Kelly!


Tuesday, October 1, 2013

THE BEGINNING (It's a Very Good Place to Start)


HELLO.

My husband and I are embarking on a new journey very, very soon. We are excited to share with you and we hope you receive our blogs well.


I have, for a period of time, been hooked on documentaries* aiming at changing our views of food. I watch with intrigue and wonder how we got so far off track. (I also just started reading a book by Jonathan Safran Foer called Eating Animals.) I’ve heard it is fantastic. On a basic level, food is for caloric energy to sustain life. Today, however, people eat for a multitude of reasons that may or may not include the aforementioned. People might eat because they are actually hungry (imagine that!), bored, happy, sad, thirsty (but mistake the feeling for hunger), and the list goes on. I am guilty of eating for many reasons beyond hunger. I am not afraid to admit it – if I own up to the (my) issues surrounding food, I can work to resolve them.

For the last week or so, my husband and I have been sharing our ideas about food and overall health. We have both read and seen some things that have pointed us both in the same direction: veganism. Now, before you jump to the conclusion that we’ve gone mad, I want to share some of what we’ve learned. I also want to share my own assumptions about veganism, along with my fears, hopes, and feelings along the way (mental and physical). We are not doing this to “get attention.” Rather, we are taking steps to better our own health, look at food differently, and appreciate what we have more than we do now. So we won’t eat highly processed foods…what we will eat will be all we need.

It is going to be hard at first. But if we stick with it, we believe it will be worth it.

I grew up in a meat-and-potatoes kind of household (this is pretty typical for South Dakotans). Meat was the main event and veggies were on the side. Thinking back, I was over-indulgent in the wrong foods (potatoes, too much dressing on a salad, extra cheese, etc.). While I have gone pescetarian (no red meat, no chicken, but fish is allowed) for a period of time (at least twice), the vegan lifestyle is much more drastic than anything else I have tried. This both scares me and is my motivation.

The questions I expect to hear (and will try to answer for you now):
Why in the world would you ever go vegan? 
In a word: health. Something that has been brought to my attention numerous times is the notion that we are over-fed and malnourished. How can that be? It’s simple: we’re eating too much of the wrong food (i.e. highly processed foods that trigger brain impulses that make us want more, more, more).

Are you some animal-rights activist now? 
Not neccisarily. Do I believe animals should be treated than they often are? Yes, certainly. However, that is not the driving force behind this decision.

Won’t you miss “real” food? 
The food we will consume will be real, nutritious, and beautiful. Now, if you’re asking if I’ll miss things like bacon, cheese, and so forth, the answer is: probably for a while. As I’m writing this (pre-vegan-journey), I’m eating a tortilla with some melted cheese for breakfast (what a pathetic “meal”). I’ve eaten all but two bites and the more I think about the journey I will soon embark on, the less I want to consume the last of our non-vegan groceries.

What will you do at social events? 
We’ll play it by ear. Maybe we’ll bring a dish to share, if at a household gathering. Maybe we’ll just eat before or after the event. Food is very social and can be powerful in bringing people together. My hope is that we can continue sharing meals and spending time with friends and loved ones. I do not foresee it being an issue, so long as we can respect each other.

Are you becoming a hippie? 
If hippies take proactive steps towards bettering their health, then, yes. However, the other activities hippies are assumed to engage in are not included in this personal journey. Note: this inspired me to listen to Bob Marley nearly all day.


Fears:
Time is already tight in my schedule. I am anxious about the amount of preparation for meals (but I know it will be worth it…plus I LOVE to cook).

Hopes:
I hope to gain a new perspective on food and a more positive perspective in my everyday life. I hope to plan meals in such a way that our wallets aren’t in distress. I hope for willpower (and a lot of it), especially when I am at work (one of my jobs is as a baker at a local coffee shop).

Assumptions:
It will be hard. Some people will support us. Some people will think we’ve gone off the deep end. I’m assuming the first week or so will make me feel like a child learning to ride a bicycle. I might feel confused, overwhelmed, discouraged, and like I just want to “junk out,” but as long as we have healthy food options available and people to lean on for support, it is doable.

Physical and Mental Feelings:
At the present moment, I am excited and anxious to begin this journey. We are working on purging our fridge this week and we’ve decided not to buy more groceries until we’re ready to gear up for this new adventure.

Beyond that, I feel tired so often. I wake up tired, walk through the day tired, and go to bed…you guessed it…tired. I am sluggish all the time. I often times feel bloated and “gross.” Granted, I am in Graduate School, commuting twice per week, working two jobs, and just have very little time for myself…so that is part of the issue. But I think diet is a bigger issue. I think changing my diet will be very beneficial.

Mentally, I’m tired of being tired! I also feel like I forget things often, I can’t focus very well, and I’m sick of feeling bloated and having to tell myself, “you look good, you look fine, don’t worry so much.” I want to be able to just get up, get ready for the day, and FEEL GOOD.

I plan to continue to document my thoughts, feelings (both physical and mental), and will probably post recipes as we try them. I will post about challenges faced, obstacles overcome, and anything else I see fit. I’ve browsed a few blogs lately and some of them have said the most important thing to keep in mind when transitioning into a vegan lifestyle is to forgive. You might eat something non-vegan without even thinking about it. Forgive yourself and move forward.

*Food, Inc., Food Matters, Forks Over Knives (these are the most recently watched).

Disclaimers:
First off, I think I should start by saying that this blog is for personal development during this journey. Positive comments and suggestions are greatly appreciated, but please refrain from negative feedback.

Second, and maybe I should have put this first…because this is for personal development, please, please, please do not use this as a replacement for advice from a medical doctor. I am not a MD; I don’t have background in nutrition science, etc. If you choose to implement any of my ideas into your lifestyle, great, but that is up to your own discretion.